Don't LabelIt's pretty common to use phrases such as "He's the eldest" or "He's my smart one." When adults begin to use these descriptions, however, they can lift one child above the other. If one is smart, aren't you implying that the other isn't? If you call one so pretty all the time, is the other one below average? Without knowing it, you could be establishing boundaries, pitting one youth against the other. Instead, try to praise choices and actions. You could say something such as "You worked really hard on that project. Well done." Try and remain objective, giving credit when it's due.
Establish Talk TimeKids should learn to resolve their issues on their own, without nagging parents or tattling on everything. Start modeling proper ways to discuss problems, working out resolutions. This means that each kid should objectively express what is bothering them. You act as the mediator. If you must prompt, try rephrasing what they say, letting them digest the different opinions. If that doesn't work at home, seek out family therapy lafayette, a place that allows for a new environment and safe zone. The professionals can evaluate the situation, offering techniques and exercises.
Practice What You PreachLittle ones are watching. If you are nit-picking and reacting with friction, then they'll pick up on it too. Work on speaking clearly and directly about the issue. You probably can't eliminate all yelling, but try to minimize it. Simply stand firm, directing attention to the party hurt most, condemning the wrong actions and punishing appropriately.
It's not going to happen overnight. Small steps could garner big rewards.